onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
