Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize