She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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