I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently you make a good broom.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
