just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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