I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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