New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
