I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think my moral compass just broke
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
