FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We were destined to go to rehab together
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize