using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
