You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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