I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
