I want to stick my p in your. b.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize