i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sobbing to NWA
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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