i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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