So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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