I looked at my own cervix.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
