i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
