she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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