I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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