I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
