That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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