I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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