I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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