I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
