it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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