Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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