Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
