Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize