It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize