yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish you could order shots online.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
