My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm always down for nudity.
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