Little spoons don't ask big questions
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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