and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
