Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
