Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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