shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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