Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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