sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
