We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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