There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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