Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
