it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
