she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
