Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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