I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
