Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
