They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
