I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
