she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
