Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
