when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
