Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i came on her dog
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize