I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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