1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
