you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
