I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
