I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
