Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
nutella sex= disaster
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize