i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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