She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
