so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
