ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
