i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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