After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize