i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
