you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize