accomplished twins. life is a go
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
