I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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