How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
