I just saw a hot homeless man
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
