is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
