i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
