just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
