mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
