on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
