I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
