my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
