dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
