i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
