Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
