I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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