I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize