I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
