She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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