his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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