stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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