i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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