I wanna bring you to show and tell
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
