Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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