you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
