Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
