What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
