Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
