____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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