Your face is a jimmy john
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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