Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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