chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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