Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
