We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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