I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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