Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
