I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
