Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
