i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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