he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
