He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
