We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
